Grandma’s Lap
Grandma’s Lap
Lightning pierced the sky like a knife on fire. Thunder rolled around the house until it shook. My little sister and I ran to Grandma’s lap. She rocked us back and forth as she softly sang to us and whispered in our ears.
She’d always say, “Don’t be afraid, girls. God is just watering all the beautiful trees and flowers. Let’s sing praises to Him and thank Him.” As she sang “Jesus Loves Me,” the fear of the unknown, which caused our insecurities to run deep, melted away. No one calmed our fears like Grandma.
Why were we having a tough time?
In 1956, we had been rescued by the authorities from an abusive home. We were three and five at the time of our adoption. My little sister and I had been in our new home for only about one year. We were suffering from extreme anxiety over the fear of abandonment and many other issues we didn’t understand. Since we had been separated from our older sister and brother when we were only eight months and two years old, our memory of them had faded.
I have no doubt in my mind that God selected this family for me. It would have been easy for me to feel unlovable because I was very aware that someone didn’t love me enough to keep me. My fears were calmed through my grandma’s love. I experienced unconditional love when I looked deep into Grandma’s eyes. Her face glowed with excitement every time she saw me come into a room. She taught me that God had a better plan for my life. He wanted me to find her.
Grandma opened her arms to me from the first day she met me. Her unconditional love and forgiveness taught me how to love and forgive others. Grandma’s love became real for me because I experienced it through her acceptance.
Being confined to her wheelchair from arthritis of the spine never diminished her love. In her earlier years, Grandma was the pianist in her church. As time passed, arthritis caused her to have crooked knuckles and twisted hands, but she could still play the piano and sing so beautifully, it brought tears to my eyes. I never witnessed any bitterness from her. Maybe that’s why I’ve never felt resentment for what happened to me. She impressed upon me to never carry anger in my heart, as it would only cause pain.
Grandma loved for my little sister and me to spend time with her as she sat in her rocker by the window. Since she could not walk without assistance, I had learned how to hold her hand in mine and help her balance from her bed across the room to her rocking chair. I was only about ten years old, but I was determined that I could help her all by myself. She had her favorite orange and green afghan that we always had to tuck in around her legs to keep her warm. She kept sweet butter mints by her chair and always shared them with me as a thank you for being willing to help her walk every day.
I didn’t find out until much later what my grandmother had gone through in her life. She met her husband while playing the piano in her church and he sang in the choir. My grandfather became the chief of police in their town, and they had nine children. She lost one of her sons when he was only three years old to the disease of diphtheria. My mother told me a story once of how, when little Charlie was buried, Grandma made sure he wore his boots because he always wanted to be like his father who wore boots every day as he “walked the beat.” Grandma had been an invalid most of her life. Her older children helped take care of the younger ones, as most did in those days. Her children respected and adored their father and mother and they all became successful men and women in the community. After her beloved husband passed away, she came to live with my mother and father. Five years later, my parents adopted my younger sister and me.
Even though I did not remember having an older sister and brother, they did remember us and we were reunited years later. I wish my older sister and brother could have met Grandma. I know she would have loved and accepted them with open arms, a beautiful smile, and a song in her heart.
I catch myself many times beginning to panic when storms come into my life. That feeling of insecurity still haunts me. I go to a quiet place and let my memory return me to that old rocking chair, and I listen to her calm voice assuring me that I am someone special and that I am truly loved.
Grandma’s quiet, sweet spirit spoke volumes to my heart. She never shouted. She never preached. She just lived out her love for God before me, and I learned by her example that I, too, could trust Him.
What legacy are we leaving for our grandchildren?
YOUR TURN: Whether we had a happy childhood or not, whether we lived with our biological family or a foster/adoptive one, most of us have someone in our lives who helped shape us positively, such as a relative, a teacher, a coach, etc. Who (or what) helped positively shape you in your childhood?
